Today’s Trends: Pain really is Beauty.

As I’ve been residing in Madrid for the past week, I decided I may aswell go and check out for myself what some of the famous Madrid shopping was all about...

Start again.

Apologies for the above, it was a lie.

The moment I arrived in Madrid, I dropped off my luggage and went straight to the shops which I had heard so much about. It was actually quite embarrassing how excited I was in front of some of the stores. It was everything that I wanted, at an accessible price and with more than decent quality of clothing. The shops I mention are not your usual high street shops found in London or Paris, but small boutiques in the middle of lost streets, namely in the gay district. Let me tell you I was oh so pleased with what I found. Over the knee boots: check. Sequinned Skirts: check. Draped dresses: check. Sculpted shoulder jackets: check. Mini Booties in the finest leather: check. All of this season’s hottest trends in these unknown shops sold by laid back Spanish 20 year olds, only to eager to sell it all to me, and fast.

Thus, energized by the city’s new air, I was ready to take off last season’s floaty blouse, cut off denim shorts and gladiator sandals. An autumn virgin for the new collections. First up, I tried on a body con sequinned dress with high cut shoulders. It took me about five minutes to squeeze into and a good ten minutes to take off. Not that it was too small, it’s just meant to be super tight. It looked pretty good so I went ahead and bought it but I did feel slightly flushed walking out of the shop. Next up, I wanted some sexy shoes for the new season, black and very very high was the name of the game. The store was full of wonderful, slinky things all crying to have me try them on, which I did sans hesitation. As I sat on the floor of the shop,( a chair was too complicated a process to bend over to zip the damn things ), I couldn’t help but think I looked quite silly in contrast to the glamorous shoes I was trying on, a pitiful contradiction. Slowly, I stood, with the help of a kind assistant. I stared at the reflection of my legs thinking they had probably never looked so long in all my life then, suddenly, as I took my first stride with pride...splat- on the floor where I’d started. The shoes were so high and so uncomfortable that I had fallen- I now have a huge bruise on my behind; and trust me, Im used to wearing heels. I am a silly fool, a sucker for empowering accesories, so I bought them. I will probably never wear them, but hey, they´re in the wardrobe now, give me points for effort.

These episodes of sheer torture continued as I tried on more things, from embellished leather jackets to draped mesh skirts to silver latex jumpsuits. On my way home, red cheeked and packed with heavy shopping bags on both my arms (further enhancing my agony), I wondered why designers were putting us through this. Why is it that today’s fashion is more constricted than ever? Havent we evolved enough as human beings, as women even, to be able to feel comfortable in what we wear? Why are today’s fashion houses urging us to wear tight, non elasticated structured pieces? The choice is yours inevitably and women can and do wear what they want, regardless of what goes down on the catwalk, but there’s still no denying that 2010 fashion doesn’t take comfort into consideration. Women are asked to be sharp yet laid back, sophisticated yet effortless. Is this realistic given today’s social expectations and focus on equality? Am I supposed to simply cope that my new jumpsuit is a nightmare for the little girls room? I buy these dresses because I think they look fabulous and glamorous, but I wonder if it's worth looking so sizzling if I'm tugging at my skirt for fear of indecent exposure every five minutes.

Looking at Rihanna in Kane, Madonna in Balmain , it’s all making me want to wear Uggs and Juicy all over again. You'd think the designers would have tried to take fashion back to its fundamentals given the current economical climate. Far From it. Maybe, it’s time the fash pack realised that tight might bite.

The season's hottest trend- Over the Knee boots, as seen on Kylie Minogue in Chanel and Kate Moss for Cavalli. Good luck taking them off before getting down and d in the bedroom. I say keep 'em on.

Christopher Kane. Complicated and intricate= Modern and Edgy. Sigh.

Even the tackiest of them in Leger find life hard, however much theyre smiling.

One wonders if wonderboy Christophe Decarnin, designer of BALMAIN, is to blame.